Tuesday, February 27, 2007

A Not So Pleasant Guide to the Oscars


Now that I have your attention. And possibly your lunch yakked on the floor, keep your eyes on the screen and sit back for some more barf worthy(c'mon you know you need to lose those 5 pounds anyways) Oscar fashion!

Gaze your attention to the mustachioed man to the right. He is not impressed. And neither am I. What the hell is this? I can honestly say I hate just about everything going on with this. Her hideous dress looks like something circa the Oscars 1983. The silhouette of the dress is beautiful, but THE BELT. THE FREAKING BELT. Ridiculous! First of all, it makes her look poochy. Second, the black and hot pink color combo has had its day. And it was not on Sunday, Biel.

P.S.- Put on a bra.

P.P.S.- Stay away from Justin.

Nicole, you have been given a gift from God. You can wear literally anything. ANYTHING. So why in the name of Versace would you put on this junk?! She looks like Mrs. Claus in an X-Rated (okay, okay PG-13) version of Jingle All the Way. HO HO HO!

I would like to point out how cute Naomi Watts looks though. I'm not usually a fan of yellow and black together, but she is glowing in this dress.

This dress has been getting lots of criticism, but I will stand alone with my love for it. I think the brown dress is beautiful, I love the pockets and the pleating. But, the jacket definitely pulled it together. It's completely fashion forward and unexpected with such a classic design on the dress. JHud definitely rocked this.

WHERE'S THE MACHINE GUN RAMBO?! I bet she wanted it when the more talented Dreamgirl was getting her Oscar! Not a fan of this whatsoever. Sorry to say, But I think Beyonce is losing her touch. RIP.

Honestly now fellas. Who would you rather be stuck in an elevator with? The hunchback of Notre Dunst, or the QUEEN herself?! I am utterly in AWE of Helen Mirren, she is so beautiful for her age and I honestly think she was one of the very best dressed at the Oscars. She dresses so perfectly for her body and is completely age appropriate. Bravo!
Kiki, on the other hand, could use some (ok a LOT) of work. I understand she likes to be different. But this is just uncalled for. This dress is something you do not wear unless you have the perfect body for. And in this case, Dunst does not. The dress hangs off her making her look shapeless in the midsection and chest. And ooooh, dont even get me started on those feathers, BJORK! I'm disgusted. Does anyone else see a resemblence to Gollum? Anyone?

Don't think I forgot about the guys. I remembered. How could I let the BEAUTIFUL image of Ryan Gosling slip from my mind! Take it in ladies! HOT!

Also, let's not forget about the bravest man of the night, Jack Nicholson. Showing up to the ceremony drugged and bald in a TOUCHING tribute to Britney Spears.

You are a man of sheer humanity. Bravo Nicholson, bravo.


Pictures courtesy of Wire Image and Oscar.com

1 comment:

dill said...

Watts is glowing cuz she's preggers. Check out that hump. Congrats Liev! You went where Heath could not.