Wednesday, February 21, 2007

From Bald Baby to Bald Mother: The Britney Spears Story

In arise to the Britney Spears saga that has been recently ongoing, I have decided to pay my respects in a tribute to the bald headed diva herself. So here you have it, a story worthy of its own Lifetime special indeed. Look into your future, Dakota Fanning.

FROM BALD BABY TO BALD MOTHER: THE BRITNEY SPEARS STORY.





Little Miss Britney Jean Spears was born December 2, 1981 to a fame hungry mother and barely present father. Baby BritBrit (with the encouragement of her mother) began going on auditions at the age of 8, booking commercials and off broadway shows. Her big break came at the age of 11 when she was cast alongside other teeny bopper success stories Christina Aguilera and Justin Timberlake in The Mickey Mouse Club.





FLASH FORWARD 7 YEARS




In 1998, Britneys very first single Baby One More Time topped the charts, solidifying her role as America's favorite underaged ho. She was on her way to the top, and no one (XTINA AGUILERA) was going to stand in her way!










The year is 2002. The pop star scene was at it's ultimate high and Britney was the Queen. Brit was dating NSYNC Heartthrob Justin Timberlake, nominated for two Grammys, and named Forbes most powerful woman. Yes, life was good. But little did she know the evil that would soon enter her life...








The Evil known as KEVIN FEDERLINE!!!


Not even the Pop Queen could shake this evil, and ended up marrying the man who brought the rap classic POPOZAO into the world.








After putting up with K-FED for 2 years, Britney swiftly divorced his ass. They had two children together, Sean "Gangster" Preston and Jayden "The Ladies Man" James.

We all thought this would be a good move for Britney. Finally wising up after all these years. But lordy lord, were we wrong. Soon after the divorce Britney made some new questionable friends, and started her infamous partying streak, where rumors of drug use ran rampant.








Ahem.












Britney's partying ways have steadily continued, up until her legendary head shave fiasco last week. Baldney has been in and out of rehab for the past week, checking in to two seperate facilities and checking out within the first 24 hours.






She was currently last seen at the Chateau Marmont in her disguise of a blonde wig. Where her story goes from now, only Whitney Houston can tell.










Robin
Photos courtesy of www.x17.com and www.ubritney.com

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

awesome post! baldney spears is 2007's women of the year.

Anonymous said...

Hilarious!!!